


benrey gentle and sincere moments

by stardazed_daydreams



Series: benrey care gordon? real shit? [1]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: Black Mesa Sweet Voice, Gen, Gordon Has An Anxiety Disorder, Half-Life VR But the AI is Self-Aware, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, Panic Attacks, could be read as platonic or romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:08:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25345966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardazed_daydreams/pseuds/stardazed_daydreams
Summary: "hey uhhhh gordo- uhhh, freeman. you good?" Benrey asks.Gordon squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head.
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman
Series: benrey care gordon? real shit? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1843588
Comments: 14
Kudos: 309





	benrey gentle and sincere moments

There’s not any particular _moment_ that causes the dam to break - no easily identifiable reason for Gordon to point at and say ‘there, that’s the source of all of my problems’ and fix - and maybe that’s the reason that it happens. 

Gordon’s always liked things to go a particular way. He encounters a problem, he solves it. Someone acts a certain way, and he adjusts his behaviour to fit that. He’d like to say that he follows orders as easily as he gives them, but if he’s being honest with himself, he’s always preferred being in complete control; he likes having all the variables tucked away in a neat little box.

All of this went so much better in theory.

So yeah, nothing in particular causes it - Gordon is just sitting in a dark room just a bit away from where everyone is sleeping listening to Coomer snore when everything hits him at once.

He feels the familiar dull roar of anxious and intrusive thoughts rise like watching the tide abruptly pull away from the shore, helpless to stop it as the tsunami of pent-up emotions comes crashing down on him, bringing his breath up short as his heart pounds in his chest.

A quiet, distant part of him struggles to do the breathing exercise his therapist taught him, and he sucks in a breath- _too loud_ \- after holding it in for too long. 

He curls tighter as if to block out the all-encompassing fear, threading his hands through his hair and pulling tight as he ducks his head between his knees, panic spiraling when he loses his place counting.

He tries muttering the numbers under his breath, but he stutters and hyperventilates, so he rips a hand out of his hair to bite down on his index finger, stifling a sob as he squeezes his knees tighter on the sides of his head. 

“Gordon?” Someone says. 

Gordon freezes, holding his breath as his heart drops like a stone, guilt churning his stomach. _Oh shit,_ he thinks, _you woke someone up_. He pulls his hand from his mouth and tries (unsuccessfully) to wipe the saliva off on the metal plating on his chest. He opens his mouth to speak, but only croaks, so he just shakes his head, threading his fingers back through his hair and pulling. 

“Gordon?” the voice says again, but closer, and this time he can recognize Benrey’s voice. 

Confusion alone causes his grip on his hair to loosen, and he lifts his head just a little bit to stare at Benrey’s shoes on the ground in front of him. 

“hey uhhhh gordo- freeman. you good?” Benrey asks.

Gordon squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head.

Benrey hums a little in response. “not epic, bro,” he says, and Gordon hears a _thump_ and rustling fabric. He opens one eye to see Benrey has sat down in front of him, and quickly shuts it again, guilt rising as he digs his fingernails into his scalp. 

There’s a long pause where the only sounds are Benrey humming softly and Gordon’s panicked breathing. Slowly, Gordon realizes that Benrey is tapping his fingers on his own knee in beat with Gordon’s breathing exercise. Focusing on the quiet tapping, Gordon follows along until the fear’s grip on his throat relaxes, and he exhales slowly, taking a deep breath.

“Thank you,” he tries, and it comes out as a hoarse whisper. He takes another calm, steadying breath, wincing when it falters at the end. He counts through a few more rounds of the exercise before lifting his head from between his knees and pulling his hands from his hair to wipe his tear-stained cheeks. 

“no problem, bro,” Benrey says, lifting a shoulder. “this is all, uhhh- kind of, uhh- kind of a lot, huh.” 

Gordon nods, and they fall silent again. He shuts his eyes and wraps his arms around his legs, pulling them close to his chest and resting his chin on his knees.

Benrey’s mouth clicks. He pauses, then softly, quietly, he sings. 

Like always, it’s wordless- just light, high notes. The colors of Sweet Voice dance across Gordon’s closed eyelids, and he risks cracking one open to glance at them- a soft orange to blue. 

The voice lingers in the air for a moment, and Gordon glances over at Benrey. His breath catches in his throat and his heart flutters in a completely different way as he averts his gaze, ears burning. Benrey looks- ethereal, bathed in a warm glow, his eyes closed and head tilted back, and it makes something funny turn in Gordon’s chest. He lets his eyes fall closed again and he digs his fingers a little more into his legs as he leans his head against the crate behind him. He makes a mental note to ask Tommy what the colors mean later as the Sweet Voice carries him off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked this please give my multichapter frenrey work a shot: [ here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25256344/chapters/61227982) I'm also on tumblr @gamer-feetman-official!
> 
> If you want a continuation lmk,,!
> 
> edit: so was nobody gonna tell me that the link wasn't working or


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